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Start by getting the idea itself into perspective. To aim for high standards is not a bad thing. It is satisfying to do well. It also helps ensure some degree of quality to human endeavors. High standards only become a problem when you turn them into demands – in other words, when you believe that

Look for your perfectionistic thinking Several distortions of reality may be involved with your perfectionism. Black and white thinking (also called ‘all-or-nothing thinking’) is common. You view things in extremes: total success v. total failure, superb v. lousy, right v. wrong, perfect v. useless. Over-generalising can lead you to think that because high standards are

Watch for signs like the following: You worry about your performance. You put things off. You continually redo things. You over-check locks, windows, taps, switches, sleeping children, etc. You are excessively tidy. Conversely, you are excessively sloppy or untidy. (You believe that nothing should be done unless it can be done perfectly, so very little

If it is so harmful, why do people engage in perfectionistic behaviour? The cause seems to be a combination of biological makeup coupled with learning. The human brain prefers to keep things simple – humans have a natural tendency to see things in black and white terms: good v. bad, perfect v. useless, success v.

To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve, succeed at what ever I do, and make no mistakes. To be human is to be imperfect. Yet many people try to be more than human. Some strive for the ultimate in everything they do – no matter what the cost. Others go to all lengths

How do you overcome low discomfort-tolerance? It involves a combination of rethinking and action: Learn to accept discomfort as unpleasant rather than awful and unbearable. Increase your tolerance for discomfort by deliberately facing rather than avoiding uncomfortable situations. Rethinking discomfort See discomfort is a normal part of life that, generally, only becomes a problem when

My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control – so there’s little I can do to feel any better. It is not surprising so many people believe that events and circumstances cause their emotions. After all, in everyday life we often find ourselves reacting with pleasure or pain to things that happen. We feel

How can you stop distorting reality? For a start, catch yourself doing it. Know the cues to watch for: looking at things in extremes, only seeing negatives, building up the bad points in a situation (be it past, present or future), ‘reading’ other people’s minds, predicting the future, assuming that what you feel is reality,

The Declaration of Independence, signed in 1776, was meant to justify a revolt against the British, with a list of charges against the British king. The Fourth of July commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. It was initially adopted by Congress on July 2, 1776, but then it was revised and the final

I need love and approval from those significant to me – and I must avoid disapproval from any source. I like to be liked – you probably do too. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is fine to want approval. Unfortunately, though, people often go beyond wanting it. They make approval into a