When a couple comes to see me, I give them a choice of sitting arrangements. They can sit next to each other on a love seat, or one can chose to sit across from the other on a chair. I can assess the severity of problems within the first few seconds just by looking at the couple. A couple who sits next to each other on the love seat, smiling and making eye-contact tells me that they are ready to make progress and resolve their problems.

A couple who sits across from each other, glaring, not looking at each other at all, crossing arms and legs while facing away from each other, or disrespectfully rolling eyes, is in serious trouble. They come ready to tell their story, but I’m far more interested in their physical interaction with each other than with the details of their last fight(s). I will often ask the couple to get close, look each other with soft, loving eyes, hold hands, and open their bodies (uncross arms and legs, face bodies towards their partner).

It may have been such a long time since they connected that such contact feels strange and uncomfortable at first, but it often works to bring back past feelings that brought the couple together in the first place. Another helpful way of connecting is by hugging – not a short greeting hug, but an extended, intimate and loving hug. Such intimate contact can result in your bodies making oxycontin, the love hormone, and bringing back feelings of love that you once had for each other.

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