Rather than blaming the other and starting conversations with poisonous words such as you and should, focus on talking about YOURSELF. NO this isn’t selfish, this is the path to good communication. Stop telling your partner what he/she believes, and rather, share how you feel. Use words such as I feel, I think, I need, I wish, I prefer etc. Here is an example:
I came home today and saw the sink full of dishes. I’m feeling upset because it was clean when I left. I would feel better if I came home and found the sink clean. You may not get what you want, but at least you are communicating without starting a fight, and you are sharing your feelings and needs. Many couples whom I have worked with have found that changing the way they talk to each other makes a huge difference in their marriage.

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