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Interaction between couples is what I refer to as the dance. The details of the fight are the music. The body language and unspoken conversation is the dance. Couples want to discuss the music and the conversation sounds like this: He likes jazz, I can’t stand jazz, I want to listen to country music instead.

When a couple comes to see me, I give them a choice of sitting arrangements. They can sit next to each other on a love seat, or one can chose to sit across from the other on a chair. I can assess the severity of problems within the first few seconds just by looking at