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Interaction between couples is what I refer to as the dance. The details of the fight are the music. The body language and unspoken conversation is the dance. Couples want to discuss the music and the conversation sounds like this: He likes jazz, I can’t stand jazz, I want to listen to country music instead.

Marriage counseling is different from other kinds of counseling and not all counselors are well trained or effective in it. People often feel that they are going to the counselor to “tell on” the other person. They expect the counselor to listen while they list their complaints about their partner, often going back many years.